(Kyle Bacon sits at his desk in the middle of a VWF Conference Room, at the empty VWF Arena. Cisco Kid, Crimson Lightening and The Vox are all sitting at the opposite end of the table, looking at each other...)




Cisco: who's that? I thought we were doing an interview with the Intercontinental champion!

Bacon: that's the Vox

Cisco: who? I thought Crimson was the IC champion!

Vox: why don't i get a capitol 'T'?

Bacon: he lost it to Vox

Vox: I'm the IC champion? And where’s my 'T'?

Cisco: i don't know who you are, he's the IC champion!

Crimson: i am?

Bacon: no, Vox is!

Vox: i am?

Cisco: no!

Crimson: wait... who am i again?

Bacon: Ah jeeze.

Vox: Bless you.

Cisco: Bless who?

Crimson: Me? I know I'm blessed, DOWNSTAIRS!

Cisco: Downstairs?

Vox: Your basement? You have a holy basement?

Crimson: No... I meant...

Cisco: Oh... I'm sorry. I don't think we've met.

Bacon: EVERYONE SHUT UP!

(Crimson, Cisco, and The Vox all look at each other, then look at Kyle Bacon.)

Bacon: That's better. This interview is for the three of you to sit down and discuss yourselves, your careers, and your goals. We are NOT talking about basements.

Crimson: Why? Your basement a little damp, Bacon?

(Crimson, Cisco and The Vox all laugh and high five each other as Bacon shakes his head and prepares his first question...)

Bacon: Ok... ok... Let's get started here. All three of you have been with The VWF for many years now, and worked your way up through the ranks of the Hardcore and Cruiserweight Divisions to get where you are today. What is your favorite memory of The VWF to date, spanning your careers?

Vox: Probably that time i was tag team AND IC champ at the same time with my brother Iman.

Cisco: I’m sorry; you’re trying to say this guy was tag champ as well? Is this a joke?

Bacon: why don't we just stick to the questions Cisco?

Crimson: i made a pretty good tag team with Vox's mom. Tagged her ass ALL NIGHT LONG!

Cisco: he has a mom as well? This... Vox just appears from nowhere and becomes a former tag champ, an IC champ, AND he has a mom?

Bacon: ... Vox, you were saying? (Vox is staring out of the window at a passing truck with a giant pair of boobs on the side and the VWF logo at the side of it.)

Bacon: VOX!

Vox: WHA? Sorry, what?

Bacon: you favorite memory?

Vox: when i was thirteen and my mom bought me a drum stick.

Bacon: *sigh* Crimson, what about you... or should I just skip you over.

Crimson: MY favorite memory? Hmmm... well. It was a mild June evening, and there was a crowd already brewing since about eight in the morning. I had gone down to the local bars before my big date, and had a few more than I should have, let me tell you. After paying my tab and waltzing my sexy ass back, I came into my big moment. As the two of us circle each other, we locked eyes and both of us knew that this was a moment. A moment that neither of us word fast forget, or want to. We grappled into each other's arms, and swayed this way and that, each of us attempting to get on top of the other. Before I knew it, they had locked their legs around my waist, tightening the grip harder and harder. I thrust for all I was worth, and before I knew it, I had turned the situation around full circle, pinning them down to the ground with my heaving...

Bacon: What match was this?

Crimson: Match? I thought we were talking about our first time with Maxine?!

Bacon: Oh God....

Crimson: That's what SHE said!

Bacon: Why? Why is this happening?

Crimson: Odd... she said that too.

Bacon: I can't believe I got into this. This is by far the single most disturbing time I've ever spent with three men.

Crimson: Weird... She said that too. Bacon, were you there? You sly devil...

Cisco: Dare Devil? He's here? Where? I KNOW HIM!

Crimson: Know who?

Vox: Me? Who are we really but grains in the sand, leaves in the wind, pubes on the bush...

Bacon: WHAT?

Crimson: I think he called you a pube.

Bacon: Cisco. You're the VWF Champion. You MUST have a better response than this...

Cisco: well, the cisco KID would like to answer you, and I am sure there are quite a few out there but the last time around in the VWF I was drunk off my ass on tequila the whole time. Hell I was more worried about how many kids I was going to conceive that night that I can’t remember most of the matches. Hey Bacon, what was your mom’s name? The cisco KID has been known to go hoggin’ once or twice while he was drinking the agave juice.

Bacon: moving on. now all three of you have held a number of titles in your VWF careers to date. if you had to pick-

Crimson: sweetest ass 2001!!! oh yeah!

Bacon: -had to pick one TITLE! that you feel you feel particularly fond of from the ones you've held in the past, which would it be?

Cisco: funny Crimson I would of thought that it was your “World Pizza #$%^er” title. As for as the cisco KID, I’d have to say that believe it or not it was my first run as the Cruiserweight Champion. It was when the cisco KID said f*#* you world I am here to stay.

Vox: wait a minute, you held a title?

Cisco: and you are the IC Champ right now, hmph?

Bacon: can we not get into that, AGAIN! Vox, what title were you most fond of?

Cisco: you know what? now that I look at you, you remind me of a man

Vox: what man?

Cisco: the man with power

Crimson: what power?

Cisco: the power of who do

Vox: who do?

Cisco: you do

Vox: what?

Cisco: you remind me of a man

Vox: what man?

Cisco: the man with power

Bacon: oh to hell!! Vox, which title is it?

Vox: well i was very fond of the dark championship, before my brother melted the damn thing. but I’d have to this baby right here.

(Vox pats the intercontinental title on the table at the side of him)

Crimson: have you cleaned that belt since you won it?

Vox: well i... why?

Crimson: no reason.

(Cisco and Bacon snigger to themselves)

Crimson: You know what my favorite was?

Bacon: What?

Crimson: Maxine Baibe.

Bacon: SHE'S NOT A TITLE!

Crimson: Oh... title! I thought you said ti...

Bacon: I KNOW!

Cisco: wait a minute than why did she say she was going to wrap her legs around my waist and show me what it feels like to be a true champion?

Bacon: She didn’t really say that!

Cisco: who?

Bacon: Maxine Baibe!

Cisco: ah she makes a fine Japanese Champion?

Crimson: fitting since she has an endless supply of sushi .

(Cisco and Bacon shudder)

Vox: wait a minute, you know she’s the Japanese Champ which was the other day, and you don’t know who I am?

Cisco: Sorry but I am drawing a blank on your name…

Crimson: I am drawing a picture of my Crimson eating sushi, see

Bacon: For the love of Jesus... I give up.... This is Fireside Chat with Kyle Bacon, signing off...

Crimson: I thought there was gonna be bitches here? Where's Smart A$$?

(The TV goes black.)